Remember when you would scroll through your Facebook newsfeed to find drunken photos from theme parties and statuses complaining about finals? Well those days are gone, 20-something friends. Your party-loving, class-taking friends have left.
Who has replaced them? A group of people whose status updates are as diverse as they are annoying. Yes, your Facebook newsfeed is further proof that 20-somethings are all over the map and telling the world about their adulthood adventures.
Let’s meet our new and improved Facebook friends, shall we?
1. The world traveler
While you waste months of your life searching for work from the very house you grew up in, this friend is living it up on the other side of the world. You may mistake her statuses for itineraries. Or you may be blown away by his newly formed opinions on how disgusting or boring Americans are. One thing is certain: The photos will be plentiful. And you will look at all of them, hoping that if you stare at them long enough, they will become yours. Yes, one day when you’re old, your failing memory will aid you in telling tales of that unforgettable trip to Guatemala.
2. The half-marathoner
AKA the triathlete, the road biker, the marathoner, the Tough Mudder, the insert-themed-5K here completer. This person’s statuses say, “Look at me, world! I’m doing athletic things!” While you sit on your couch, eating Pringles and catching up on Game of Thrones (who will die in season 3?!?), you may read about those three miles Teresa just ran and start to feel guilty. You’ll probably despise yourself when you see that Lucas just finished his fourth triathlon of the summer. And when you see a photo of your friends doused in neon powder or holding medals that were won by not keeling over after 13.1 miles of (running? walking? who knows), you will look at your empty trophy case and cry.
3. The newlywed
OMG, weddings! Watching the progression of this friend’s photos and statuses should earn you a credit in Weddings 101. Venues need to be booked one year in advance. Mason jars have many uses. Engagement rings are big and sparkly. Take notes, my friends. One day you will be this Facebook friend.
4. The grad-school goer
If you were missing the “This class sucks!” statuses from your Facebook of yesteryear, don’t fear; the grad-school goers have your back. She is still in school. The degree she is working toward is hard. Boo hoo. Reading these statuses can prompt one of two reactions. You may think, “HA! You are still going to school and doing homework. That blows.” Or you may think, “I wish I were still in the college bubble. Why is he complaining?” Either way, you are probably slightly jealous of the large paycheck this person will one day take home (unless he is going to graduate school just to postpone the real world. In that case, you are not jealous of the student loans that are piling up).
5. The parent
I hope you’re ready to lay your eyes on the cutest child, puppy, kitten, hamster or goldfish you’ve ever seen, because you are about to be bombarded by photos. Not only do you get to see photos of everyday events, but you also get to read about the smartest/funniest kids out there. You should feel honored that 20 of your friends birthed the world’s smartest children or adopted the world’s cutest puppies; it’s a sign that you hang out with an elite crowd.
As you can see by the photos, I’m not an innocent Facebook user when it comes to these categories. I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of being one or two of these Facebook friends at least once. Which category do you fall under? Which is the most annoying to you? Did I leave any of your dear friends out?